There I am feeling my wife's lady lump to enjoy my unborn's childs movements. I go here, there, trying to catch a kick or two. No luck. That's when the wife helps me. She's like, the baby's over here, in the Northwest quadrant of belly section 3B.
That reminds me, some dipshit congratulated me on 'the most common miracle around.'
I laughed, but afterwards felt like introducing this prick to another miracle:
Death by strangulation.