The Game Show of Tomorrow: Porn!

Vanna, we’ve come a long way. Currently on-air in prime time are 4 or 5 game shows featuring sexy women. And horribly unfunny men.

I will discuss two of these.

Deal or No Deal involves suitcases of varying amounts of money. These suitcases are shiny and new. More importantly, they are held by women dressed in revealing evening wear.

These Deal girls are directed by uber-creepy, germphobic Howie Mandel 2.0. He tells them to open their case once contestants pick one. He manages to know all 50 or so of the leggy women on a first name basis.

(Side note: What happened to Howie Mandel 1.0? The family friendly, curly-haired ball of nervous energy? The guy who had a cartoon version of himself called Lil Howie or some shit, and starred in the greatest man/dog movie of all time, Walk Like a Man? I miss that Howie. This new guy is all perverted, which is fine. But it seems like he is ‘acting’ perverted, which is weird.)

This is probably how the meetings between producers and aspiring model/actress’ managers went down:

NBC: Short skirts, lots of cleavage.

MODEL REP: Fine, but my client is more than a piece of meat.

NBC: We’ll have Howie say their first names, which everyone at home will remember.

MODEL REP: Did you hear that…Cindy? I mean Tracy.

I’m not sure why people watch this show. Howie 2.0 is not funny. The conversations with the ‘banker’ are silly, and bringing contestants’ friends and family up to help guide decisions is fucking retarded. I will admit the constant DEAL OR NO DEAL questioning is a bit entertaining. I just wish Howie would have more fun with it.


Due to the runaway success of Deal or No Deal, a rival network decided to create a similar game show. Instead of Howie, this show has the SHAT. And they’re advertising the shit out of it. Apparently the Shat is a dance that the host performs when excited.

And the host himself is THE SHAT, William Shatner y'see, so it's 'funny.' This guy’s made a mint out of his cornball schtick. And he’s still going strong.

I don’t show the name of this show. I do know that instead of 50 sexy women, it features 12 or so. These women even get their names in lights for most of the show. If you ever catch this SHAT, watch the beginning. While Howie 2.0 says, “Ladies…” or some shit, the SHAT announces his women and all hell breaks loose. You’re transported to a Vegas cathouse. I SHAT you not. Each woman starts doing their best stripper dance on prime-time, complete with stripper pole. And THE SHAT ogles and goes ape-SHAT. It’s like a really, really bad Vegas show.

Overall, the SHAT show is more fun.

Networks are running out of hosts for these weird game shows. I think we’ll see Carrottop or Emo Phillips alongside completely nude trans-gender host(esses).

DIMELO@