Rollerbabies.

Transportation has always fascinated children. I remember dreaming of flying cars and bullet trains as a youngster. Maybe it's a guy thing. Something akin to Popular Mechanics.

Recently I've noticed the weirdest thing. While kids may never ever get the hover boards (real or fake? you tell me) from Back to the Future 3, what they do have is far stranger.

Sneakers with built-in wheels, and no helmet required!

My wife hates these things with a passion. You'll be at the local supermarket when, all of a sudden, a turbo mop-head will appear, doing what can only be described as a 'retard wheelie'.

Amazingly, never once have I seen any of these rollerbabies fall on their snot noses.

The thing is, the roller sneakers themselves are piss ugly. They utilize the orthopedic appeal of basic skate shoes, because, lord knows, these rollerbabies should at least feel like they're Tony Hawk.

Roll out boys and girls. Roll, fucking, out.

Side note: Children's Rollerderby with these frankenstein shoes would kick ass. Let them wear helmets to be safe, but just think about it. Nickelodeon, get on this shit.