-His hair.
-His name.
-His nose.
-His wife.
-His smile.
-His past screen credits.
-His current screen credits.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Cool shit to do with remote-controlled Lincoln Navigator that has working lights, spinning rims and working mp3 audio system.
-Unleash the remote-controlled asshole in you.
-Tell everyone you’re under-compensating.
-Claim to have been officially pimped by Xzibit, who is much smaller in person.
-Say you car-jacked a 12-year old in broad daylight.
-Explain to friends that your ride ain’t small, it’s just their asses are wide.
-Blast white man’s music to be ironic.
-Upload an mp3 of you asking for car directions.
-Boast about having the first electric SUV that isn’t gay.
-Bring car to Lincoln dealer and say, “What the fuck?! I drove through a car wash and look what happened! Hemi, my ass! I want my fucking money back!”
-Call AAA and tell them you’ve got a little flat.
-Tell everyone you’re under-compensating.
-Claim to have been officially pimped by Xzibit, who is much smaller in person.
-Say you car-jacked a 12-year old in broad daylight.
-Explain to friends that your ride ain’t small, it’s just their asses are wide.
-Blast white man’s music to be ironic.
-Upload an mp3 of you asking for car directions.
-Boast about having the first electric SUV that isn’t gay.
-Bring car to Lincoln dealer and say, “What the fuck?! I drove through a car wash and look what happened! Hemi, my ass! I want my fucking money back!”
-Call AAA and tell them you’ve got a little flat.
Signs the guy next to me on the subway last night was fucked in the head.
-Voraciously reading yellowed sci-fi paperback titled, Blood and Honor by Simon R. Green.
-Wearing beige London Fog barncoat browning at cuffs with dirt.
-Long red and yellow knit scarf wrapped around his neck like Griffendor’s retard DMV instructor.
-Unwashed matted hair that made him look like The Biggest, Dirtiest Loser.
-A smell of equal parts moth balls, cat piss, the elderly, the homeless, death, schmegma, closetful of used tampons and tissue balls of year-old semen.
-Took the subway.
-Sported sensible frames from Pearle Vision’s Serial Killer Collection.
-Finished retard sci-fi book, and within minutes, began reading another titled, Another Moon by Patricia Briggs.
BONUS: Random half sentences that came to me as I watched this sap:
-Pages so yellow with defeat, with abuse, with the stink of mangy hands…
-Golden with earwax, wrinkles carbon-dating a long-lost snot held between chapter title and word one.
-Wearing beige London Fog barncoat browning at cuffs with dirt.
-Long red and yellow knit scarf wrapped around his neck like Griffendor’s retard DMV instructor.
-Unwashed matted hair that made him look like The Biggest, Dirtiest Loser.
-A smell of equal parts moth balls, cat piss, the elderly, the homeless, death, schmegma, closetful of used tampons and tissue balls of year-old semen.
-Took the subway.
-Sported sensible frames from Pearle Vision’s Serial Killer Collection.
-Finished retard sci-fi book, and within minutes, began reading another titled, Another Moon by Patricia Briggs.
BONUS: Random half sentences that came to me as I watched this sap:
-Pages so yellow with defeat, with abuse, with the stink of mangy hands…
-Golden with earwax, wrinkles carbon-dating a long-lost snot held between chapter title and word one.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Chinese Democracy?
I heard the new, long-awaited Guns & Roses disc would be coming out soon.
Which pissed me off.
I thought it'd be funny as shit if it came out when China had indeed become a democracy.
Say 2023, at which point crazy-old-man Axl would be like, FUCK, and destroy the masters and start all over.
DIMELO!?
Which pissed me off.
I thought it'd be funny as shit if it came out when China had indeed become a democracy.
Say 2023, at which point crazy-old-man Axl would be like, FUCK, and destroy the masters and start all over.
DIMELO!?
Failed Jay-Z and Beyonce Couple Names as Written by Dipshit Publicists.
Camel-once.
Jigga-hoe.
Roc-a-Scare.
J-owles.
George-Z Jefferson & Weavey.
Amos & Andy.
Kingdom Dumb.
The Black (Insert Better White Celeb Couple Mashup Name).
more soon.
Jigga-hoe.
Roc-a-Scare.
J-owles.
George-Z Jefferson & Weavey.
Amos & Andy.
Kingdom Dumb.
The Black (Insert Better White Celeb Couple Mashup Name).
more soon.
Joe Camel Takes a Hoe?
Attention jockeys - camel, disc or other:
Jay-Z did not marry Beyonce over the weekend.
Jay-Z did not marry Beyonce over the weekend.
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